The Korean ‘dol’ 돌 is a celebration of a baby’s first year of life. When my grandma met Charlotte at the age of three months, I felt confident she’d be here to celebrate her dol with us and remind me of all the traditions to continue. Little did I know this was the first and last time she’d meet Charlotte. Although this milestone was a mark of missing my beloved Gaga, I am confident she is watching from above, laughing and delighted that Charlotte chose money+prosperity not once, but twice.
We miss my grandparents everyday but now carry the responsibility of continuing their legacy. Here’s to one year of loving on our little girl.
we made it
a year (and one day) ago, I lay in a hospital bed after 11 hours of labor, holding our little girl for the first time. I remember weeping, because she was finally here in our arms. so overwhelmed by emotion and a lot of hormones. a day later, when we took her home from the hospital I remember the nurse asking if we had any more questions. I said “how are we supposed to take care of her for the rest of her life?” they just send parents home with a baby and instruction to not shake them…
every day since that day has been a lesson in humility. a lesson I relearn every single day, that my needs come after this little human’s. our days have been filled with less sleep and more joy than ever before. our transcontinental lifestyle of travel has this new exciting layer in it.
but just like each challenge and blessing that has been placed in our lives before, God met us in our needs and gave us exactly what we needed along the way.
in the beginning it was adult diapers and being surrounded by family. an amazing mom and sister who brought me back to life in the early days. who came over in the middle of the night to help me figure out breastfeeding and nighttime diaper changes. a community of friends and family in houston who have known me since I was born and took any opportunity to snuggle a baby. a pediatrician who was in the hospital when I was born 28 years ago.
a few months later, it was the community we had here in Nice, welcoming us back to our home here. who showered her with gifts and came to snuggle their new bestie. who didn’t have their own children but love ours like their own.
then, it was the network of moms I met through english speaking whatsapp groups and shot in the dark instagram messages. community with other moms was how I found out I wasn’t insane and also how I identified signs of postpartum mood disorders. friends telling me what I was feeling wasn’t unjustified, but maybe blown out of proportion. friends also navigating a foreign medical system and trying to decide how much of french pediatrics to take with a grain of salt, or fully to heart.
then, I started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and things seemed to get a bit easier. a lot of things fell into place over the summer. a new apartment, full of space and opportunities for our family to grow, the ability for me to start working again in something i’m passionate about, and a space to host playdates and game nights and dinner parties and birthday parties. now, I don’t want to leave because we’re so spoiled here.
As we gathered in our home this past weekend, surrounded by friends and family from near and far, we celebrated our little girl and the people she’s brought into our lives. family is such a blessing. and even though we may not all be in the same place many days of the year, it makes each time with them that much sweeter. our community here has also become family. the people you text in the middle of the night, or ask to watch your baby so you can work out for 30 minutes. the friends you go on walks with when you’re dead tired. and the friends you meet at the playground during witching hour.
what a blessing that she has brought us all together. it takes a village and we’re so grateful for ours.
a note to my daughter
you are strong and independent and brave. I have learned so much by being your mother. about my own ability to empathize, love and care for someone. but also about how important the people around you are. how your community can hold you up. and how you have a father up above who loves you more than you’ll ever be able to understand.
On September 18 my husband and I were visiting Nice. We're both big cycling fans, so one of our stops was the Cafe du Cycliste. While doing some shopping I noticed a cyclist in the back corner of the store rifling through a stack of packages. Thought how nice it was that the store offered this service as well as so many others. Never thought to look more closely at this guy but as we walked out the front door we realized it was Neilson! He had stopped to speak with another couple, hanging onto his bike and his small package. We didn't want to keep him any longer by asking for a photo as it was a drizzly gray day, but as we finished our day in Nice I wished we had said hello. I would have told him that my sister and I both enjoy your Substack posts so much. And of course what a joy it is to watch him during the races. ; ) So I'm writing today to thank you for sharing a window into your lives, to wish your daughter a belated Happy Birthday, and to wish you all the best as the cycling season rolls to a close later this fall. My sister and I are cheering you both on!