table for 22
We’re back! After two weeks of packing, unpacking, travel and hosting I have a morning of quiet at home with a baby sound asleep. We do however now have an apartment across the hall under construction for the foreseeable future, including a cheery jackhammer to wake us up in the mornings.
Last weekend, my family gathered in London to honor and remember my grandmother.
The weekend brought together family I hadn’t seen in years, all gathering to pay respects to the matriarch tying us all together. I hope that one day my granddaughters fawn over my jackets and jewelry, fondly remembering how elegantly outfits were put together.
I also got to see my immediate family for the first time since January, and Charlotte got oodles of attention being passed around between her grandparents, aunts and uncles. We took long walks through gloomy streets of Chelsea, fueled by flat whites and pastries, catching up as only cousins and sisters can do-picking up right where we left off. We enjoyed many big meals, filled with soju and banchan, laughter and tears. Sharing memories of our grandmother and soaking up time with my grandfather who survives her.
We also went through boxes of hundreds of photos my grandmother had kept in various albums and scrapbooks. I was reminded why we take such care in documenting our lives. Sometimes with an iphone it all feels a bit excessive, but having these photos to look at later in life and pass down to those who survive us is so precious. I remember my grandmother showing us the photo album from her all girls elementary school, pointing out herself in each photo and describing the other girls around her. there were even photos of girls whose faces had been scratched out because they went to north korea.
On the note of time, I blinked and Charlotte is 6 months old. She’s been with us for half a year already! Though the days of frustrated sleep disruptions feel so long and testing, I looked up and she suddenly looks not so tiny and newborn baby-ish. She’s engaging and making friends with every neighboring table and French baguette.
My brother joined me in Nice after the London excitement, and we fully vegged once we arrived and realized how tired we were. The sunshine welcomed us and we took long walks around town to relaxed lunch destinations. Had to represent the côte d’azur in its best light.
Over the weekend, it was almost 70 degrees so we donned our wool sweaters, sundresses and birks and scrambled to find my beach gear which hasn’t seen the light of day in a minute. Charlotte got to dip her toes in the Mediterranean, or shall I say have her toes dipped and it is definitely a bit too cold for her or myself to enjoy the water quite yet. Regardless, we had a nice picnic with friends on the beach filled with natural wine, truffle brie, olive fougasse, nutella pastries and monopoly deal.
Sunday, we made it to the Palm Sunday service at our church about 20 minutes late and missing the entire palm procession. but we made it. In the afternoon we played games and had goûter at a friend’s house with crêpes, cookies and a decadently delicious speculoos cheesecake that Neilson and I are still talking about. We rounded off the weekend ordering pizza from a new spot with friends, and discovering some very good neapolitan pizza.
a note on contentment
Now that I’ve had a couple days to screw my head back on, fit a couple workouts in, finish some editing and get working on some upcoming projects, I find myself grappling with the idea of contentment.
I was scrolling through In Kind’s newsletter in my inbox and it really caught me off guard. It got me thinking about what it is I’m searching for in this season of life, or really any season.
Perhaps yes, my life used to revolve more around how I wanted to structure my days and better my body for my artform and craft so that I could feel happy. And now, I mostly dream of thirty minutes to get groceries alone or run errands. But my life is so much fuller with this precious, tiny human relying on me for life.
One thing that absolutely helps me is routine. I love traveling and being flexible. I love that Charlotte is a person too and can adapt to her situations and the schedule we can offer in that place. But I also love coming back home to familiarity and routine. Sometimes in the routine is where we really have the space to explore.
I often gripe at my husband about living in a home with no closets, where storage seems to be at an all time premium and things easily end up in piles because there just isn’t enough hidden storage to not have them floating around. And our bathroom and kitchen start to smell a bit damp sooner than I would like. But overall am I content? Maybe I’m not jumping out of bed at 5am to satiate Charlotte’s newfound early morning hunger, but are most of the days otherwise nice?
I look at the photos I share on Instagram and sometimes feel like such a fraud because they’re filled with the beautiful parts of a weekend. Not the parts with frustration towards Charlotte or snappy comments to my husband or taking out fatigue on the people I love most. How do you take a picture of feeling down in the dumps some days? And if I did why would I share it?
Taking photos and looking through that lens of beauty is something that makes my grey days feel brighter. the coming around of spring and sunshine also make heavier topics feel lighter. I love reading “Oh The Places You’ll Go” to Charlotte and I’ll leave you with some lines from Dr. Seuss that seem much more profound than an elementary kids book…
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t…and when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done…All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
leaving you with some style notes from the past couple weeks:
for those of you also trapped between spring and winter.
the heart wants spring, but the clouds say winter
two iterations of a similar look. a sundress for flowy color, layered with a wool sweater for versatility throughout the day from afternoon sun to early evening cloud cover.
Pardon my long absence over the last two weeks, and thanks for making it to the end of a longer update. until next week! xx