to all the mothers...
to the mother who raised me
to the mother who raised my husband
to the mother who raised my mother
to the mother who raised my father
to the mothers who raised my friends
to my friends who taught me how to be a mother
to the mothers-to-be
to the ones yearning to become a mother
to the new mothers
Motherhood is one of the most beautiful maiden voyages I’ve ever been on. It has been harder than I was told, but more rewarding than I ever thought possible. Nothing shows you the fragility of life like holding a newborn baby in your arms.
The moment I became a mother was in the bathroom in January in Nice last year, cranky and tired. I left a pregnancy test on the bathroom counter, fully expecting to return to a negative test. I walked by a few minutes later and was so caught off guard. I paced the apartment crying. This was everything I’d ever wanted. it was so exciting, it was so overwhelming and it was so terrifying.
The next moment I became a mother was nine months later, after 14 hours of laboring in the hospital. I don’t remember time feeling long at all because every moment was one step closer to meeting our little one. Bringing home our tiny bundle of joy was so exciting and terrifying at the same time. I rode wave after wave of emotion those next few weeks. Sad because I wasn’t pregnant anymore. Happy because I was holding my baby. The first time we took Charlotte to the store, I started crying because I wanted to go home and hold her in my arms, safe where noone could hurt her. Our first night out, I was so happy to have her grandparents watch her, but simultaneously felt sad as if she didn’t need me anymore. Motherhood is the biggest dichotomy that exists.
For a long time I didn’t think my feet would ever return to their previous size. I still have hips that won’t fit into pre-baby jeans. I often see photos of myself and ask Neilson why he didn’t tell me that I’m softer than I used to be.
For a long time I didn’t know if my former self was still in me. If my creative energy would come back, if I’d have the mental capacity to think about anything other than being a mother. It’s so all consuming.
I’ve learned boundaries I never had. I’ve learned how to say no. I’ve learned the meaning of capacity in an entirely new way.
I’ve learned the meaning of the mom uniform. aka dressing a baby in every layer possible, loading them into a stroller and then throwing on jeans and a tshirt or sweater as quickly as possible so we can get out the door. I’ve learned to do most household tasks one handed and eat faster than I ever have in my life.
I’ve learned the power of connection and how much you can have in common with someone even if you have nothing else in common but having small babies.
I’ve learned how long a ten hour flight can feel with a squirmy baby in your lap. But how worth it those slow hours will be to see family.
I’ll close with this piece of scripture it all reminds me of. One I have to remind myself of while I’m folding endless laundry, waking up in the middle of the night, soothing a fussy baby.
I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.
In any and every circumstance, I have learned the
secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:12-13
Off to tend to my babbling baby who has decided her nap is over.
Happy mothers day 💜