30 thoughts on 30

or 31 thoughts to my 20 yo self

Jul 23, 2026

These came to me late one night when I couldn’t fall asleep and I figured I’d better jot them down. As what feels like a momentous birthday approached, I started reflecting on sage advice I’ve received, and what I would tell my twenty year old self.

My 20s were a big decade. I fell in love, got married, moved to a foreign country, moved to a different foreign country, stopped dancing, and had two kids. I’d like to think I’m entering this next one a little more confident and a lot more laissez-faire. I spent a lot of my 20s wondering what other people would think about the decisions I made. Getting married young and quickly, moving abroad, leaving my career for love, having kids etc. etc. And then one day I realized noone was paying attention and all that pressure was just coming from within. And it was paralyzing me.

So here I am on my soapbox, a little letter to you and my younger self to let her know everything is going to turn out just fine. and even wilder than I ever could’ve imagined.

**If you’d told me when I was 19 that I would marry a professional cyclist and move to Europe for his job, I’d probably have asked you what a professional cyclist was. We’ve come so far 😆

31 thoughts on 30

Alas, here we go.

post the draft- stop editing. it’s not about likes and engagement and whatever. if the creativity hits just go with it.
get moving- depression hates movement. laziness hates movement. take a walk, call a friend, put on your guilty pleasure podcast and you’ll feel better without a doubt.
send the message- I would say about 50% of my friendships have come from me being a creeper and sending an insta dm or being really persistent with people.
find your people!! living in a foreign country means finding friends isn’t easy. I joined whatsapp groups and met people on instagram. it’s worth all the awkward first dates and online meetups. and it’s work to find them. I did meet Neilson on hinge after all. but so worth it when you do.
host the dinner- use paper plates. play games. ask people to bring things. it’s not about doing it all yourself, and there’s nothing better than having a community in your home.
finished is better than perfect- a little mantra to every single craft I’ve started.
drink water, take your vitamins, and always always wear sunscreen
life’s too short to finish books you don’t like
just add water- some excellent parenting advice that rings true for adults too. when you need a reset take a bubble bath, dip in the sea, shower with really loud olivia dean music playing
get the epidural- or don’t. when you sign your kid up for pre-school, noone asks if you were medicated during their birth or not, if they were bottle or breastfed. on the same note…
hire some childcare- I initially felt embarrassed that as a stay at home mom I would need help raising my kids, but we don’t live near family and Neilson travels a lot and honestly even if these things weren’t the case, I would still need help. There’s no prize for doing it all on your own. And I’m a better mother when I’ve had some time to take a walk and listen to a podcast, or meet a friend for adult conversation over coffee, or go on a date with Neilson.
you are not what you do-when I stopped dancing professionally, I really struggled with my identity because for so many years my job was what I did and who I was. And when that was taken away, I wondered what that made me? And then I was a wife and a mother, and those new labels felt confining. It’s my dream job but being “just a mother” had so much negativity attached to it.
stop trying to make everyone happy- as a kid I remember thinking I wanted everyone to like me. But I came to learn that disagreeing with people also means having morals and strong beliefs and things you feel passionate about. You lose yourself if you spend all that time trying to predict what other people want to hear from you.
get outside!! vitamin d does a lot more than I ever give it credit for. there’s a reason we’re so much more relaxed in the summertime
when in doubt, say yes (not to drugs)- a classic theory when you’re in a foreign country and don’t fully understand what someone has said. then figure out along the way with some charades what you’ve agreed to
get dressed- you gotta look good before you feel it.
buy nice or buy twice- sorry neilson….
busy hands = a quiet mind - start the knitting project, embroider a pillowcase, make your pregnant friend a baby quilt, plan a craft night
keep your gift drawer stocked- Sometimes when I’m trying out an etsy shop or a book, I’ll buy two of the same thing. I may not know at the time who it’s for, but later when I’m looking for a gift I suddenly have the perfect thing for that person
plan your own birthday- I love birthdays and I think it’s taken me until this year to realize I can just plan mine the way I want it to be. There’s always this expectation that everyone (poor Neilson) will read my mind and make it exactly how I imagined it and as we all know, that is very hard to do. I bought my own candles this year and have a funfetti box mix from the US. I’m a leo which means we’re celebrating allll month long.
traditions start today (or tomorrow)- since becoming a parent there is this inherent pressure to create memories. and then you spend your first christmas with a 3 month old and realize you’re the only one who will be remembering how they spent it. traditions hold a lot of weight when you’re talking about your own family, but the thing they’re going to remember is how they felt. not what they received for their first birthday.
you’ll only regret the picture you didn’t take-as an avid over-documenter with hundreds of thousands of photos on my camera roll, I still go back through photos and marvel over how little Charlotte was and how she’s already changed so much.
try the new thing- I’ve spent 7 years of knowing Neilson refusing to ever get on a bike that requires you to clip in, but it’s such a culture here in Nice and all my girlfriends do. So I got over the embarrassment of probably being really bad at it and asked a friend to teach me like I was a five year old. and I fell. a lot.
money can’t buy everything, but it can buy some things- like therapy, antidepressants, or a babysitter so you can have a little reconnecting time with your spouse
your taste will always change so don’t sweat it- this was my mantra when planning our wedding and I like to use it for “big” choices too
chop your hair- with time to spare. I have never regretted chopping my hair, only regretted doing it the day I needed it to look decent. It always looks best about 2 weeks into the haircut when you’ve had time to figure out how to style it like yourself.
babies don’t keep- I’ve never looked back on any sleep deprived night and thought I wish I had snuggled my baby less. I used to go wake Charlotte up in the middle of the night to
God is good- my faith has been a pillar of life since I was in middle school and the one stable thing in my life through every move and decision I make
**had to call in guest authors for these next few!!
buy dirt - Neilson’s only contribution to this list when I asked his suggestion. a luke bryan song no less. get married, buy dirt, grow roots. wholesome advice.
make friends with young people and they’ll keep you young!!
trust your gut and be willing to take risks!! there’s a lot of life to be lived beyond what you can imagine